Thursday, July 27, 2006

Reunion? that came fast....

I was right.
I'm so sore that I don't sit down to pee...
I fall down.

Abs, even worse.

Anyways...on with the blabbering about nothing.

This past week I got a e-mail from classmates about my 10 year high school reunion. Obviously, it's in the works and I wasn't quite sure how I felt about it at first. A few years ago, the thought crossed my mind that the time was approaching. Now. It's one year away. I swore I would not go back to see a large group of people that I didn't really get along with. The socializer, the cute one, popular one I was not. More so the shy, low self-esteem and timid girl who could have blended in with the walls of lockers better than my own peers. Looking back, I wish I could travel back and slap myself. I would grab the "skinny" me and tell me I was beautiful, I do belong and I deserve to have friends too. Then I would put "skinny-me' in a head lock and tell her to go get with it, talk to people and not to be afraid to take chances.

At 17 I decided that I would go to a community college. A few reasons, my mother was a single mom and did not have the money to send me away. Despite that I held 2 part time jobs in high school, I didn't save for it either. Second, I didn't "party" in my teen years. One time praying to the porcelin god for 3 hours only wearing a NIN t-shirt and having popcorn come out my nose at the young age of 15 taught me a lesson. I didn't want to be sick like that ever again. I felt that if I went away to school that I wouldn't study...only learn to party. So I didn't. Mostly, I was scared. Scared of the world. Scared of being me. I held back.

Well, long story short. I held back so very much that in some ways I don't think I have accomplished much in my time since high school. Sure I went to community college, graduated, became a nurse, wife , home owner at the age of 21 and mother. I am very proud of those roles and what they mean to me. But I felt like I didn't live up to my potential. I didn't get the Master's that I wanted, I didn't become the Nurse Practioner that I would have liked to become. I have not traveled, nor do I have any amazing stories to tell. I'm just me.

This past week, I realized, with much help, that I have accomplished something. I am proud of myself for makng it this far anyways. Like everyone else in life...I still want to loook great anyways...many pounds to take off. So, One year away. I've only got one year to lose about 35#. That would put me at my high school weight. I wish. I'll settle for 25#.

One good thing about starting the reunion process. I've got to hear from wonderful grade school friends via email.

No comments: