Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Let me fill you in...

Holy shit it's been a long couple of weeks!

HHmmm...where to start. The entire month of October thus far as been quite an emotional roller coaster for me. (I offer my sincere apologies to anyone who had to be around me). I am, how you say, an emotional pressure cooker. All emotions are kept in, stewing for several days, weeks and sometimes months. Then...WWHHHOOOOTT... donut gets completly overdone.

Needless to say, between all the constant notes being sent home for JC, husband's pending move, work, guests, bad physical health and my sad insecurities...I fricking blew. Like the cap off of good bubbly.

So, yeah, I've been extremely pre-occupied.

To fill in the blanks, JC's meds and rountines have been changed. In one week, only one, let me repeat, only one note as been sent home. The behaviors have to be credited to my house guest. MIL. Wonderful she is. I can only hope that I can continue without all the help. MIL came 2+ weeks ago to help a poor donut out...is it wrong to need that much help?

New living arrangements:
I have to share a bed again after 2 years. Oh my does that screw with your sleeping patterns. Not complaining!!! Words can not describe how much I truely did miss falling asleep and waking up next to someone. The strange sense of security, warmth and closeness I get from it is something I'll never be able to put into words. We just need a KING mattress...

Anyhoo, things still to be unpacked as I discover that I am starting to show more signs of OCD. The stuff everywhere, I mean EVERYWHERE, is freaking me out.

BUT...
after getting to have a few days away on a buisness/work realted trip, I feel MUCH better. I came back into the house with a better frame of mind. Hopefully that "frame of mind" stays. I was a gigantic stress ball of nerves.

With a 6+hour drive each way to my class, I had lots of time to reflect on how things were changing in my life. The one thing that kept repeating it self was Loss of control. Total loss of control of my body, mind, house and child. Hopefully I'll take a holder grip now.

So, the trip was awesome. It made me want to go back to school. After all, I have 30+ years more of nursing and there is so much more that I want to do. I took a class, which was paid for, on foot and nail care for nurses. For 3 days I spoke with nurses who were an inspiration. Many of them going into buisness for themselves in this field. Who knew? The class was interesting and just being able to get out and go was worth it all. 4 days in a hotel by myself, I thought I was going to be bored. NOPE, had a blast. I did find that since I did not know anyone, that I was extremely confident. This is so rare. I was!! Me...Donut...confident. It felt great. I figured I never had to see them again so I was going to "play" myself up in a way I never did before. I spoke to people, introduced myself first, engaged in conversation when I normally wouldn't, and it was an eye opener. I liked myself more for it. Confident Donut rocked out Eau Claire, WI. Yeah buddy...

So, that is my up to date story for the last week...did you miss me?


ps I didn't spell check...don't pay attention...

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