Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Too bad, so sad...

ONE of the only things that made me laugh today...So i thought I'd share

HOT pocket.....

Winter is here and so is the onset of overwhelming sadness. Not depression, sadness. That or the disruption of hormones. Who knows? Maybe I shouldn't say that it's just in winter. It's off and on all year round, just something I go through every once in awhile. So over a year ago I was pretty happy with myself, my body and felt well and I let my self go....With a big "G" and a little "o".

I know when it started, just never said anything. Why not bare the soul right? I started working out for 2 reasons awhile back. 1) separation from my husband, I neede d something to make my self feel good again and later #2) I really, really wanted another child and I knew I was unhealthy and overweight. This is where my therapist interrupted my thought process one session...

"Donut, why would you want to have another child if your separated and you son has *special* needs?"

Well, that screwed with me, hurt me and I have never forgotten that. It still pisses me off. I answered her that night, but I never went back. She said it in such a rude, mean, careless way, that I never wanted to speak to her (or any therapist)again.

So,in May I went to the OB/GYN and ended up having a procedure done that was 1)diagnostic and 2) helpful for many women to conceive. I was so hopeful that it would work, that every menstrual cycle that has come since ,I break down (emotionally) for about a week. Mostly out of frustration, but it still upsets me so much that it's changed a lot of things for me. I stopped working out, eating healthy and for the lack of better terms, I mostly sabotaged my self because i've honestly been that upset about it.

It just came to mind today after a stranger questioned when my new arrival would be coming. OMG did it break my heart. 1) because that's all I want more than anything again and 2) I got that fat.

*fanning the tears*
Damn period hormone fluctuations.
So, I joined a gym today. If I can't fix#1 might as well try working on #2.

1 comment:

Peanut Butter and Jelly Boats said...

Working out and getting in shape will make you feel lots better (as you already know) I wish I could be there and work out with you, I could use a work out buddy!