Monday, April 16, 2007

I'm hooked up for how long?

Awhile ago I was saying how I really didn't feel right and extremely fatigued and was having a hard time getting things done around the house. Well, me the one who hates going to the doctor, was made to go by my boss/work due to "frequent" call offs. Reluctantly I went, but I poured out to the cardiologist everything I have been feeling for about the last year. I admitted to taking horrible care of myself, my inability to tolerate exercise, leg swelling, varicose veins, palpitations, shortness of breath and weight gain. It didn't stop there, but I'll spare the rest of the details.

Well the first thing they did was make me wear an event monitor for a month. It doesn't come off until May 5th. Really, I'm going to have a going-away party for when this thing comes off. The monitor goes off from anywhere from 3-6 times a day. Each time it gets "full" of recordings, it beeps until I call and transmit it to the company. At this point, I have spoken to many nurses or techs on the phone. Many of them a few times in a day. So much that I'm going to have to send them Christmas cards. Actually, my "clean" picture for photo hunters wasn't originally with a towel. It was a picture of my monitor leads on my chest. A way of saying I came "clean" to my doctor and this is what I have now...



So yeah, the monitor goes off several times a day and I have to push it to record when I feel palpitations, fluttering, chest pains, etc. But the fun does not end there! Tomorrow is my echocardiogram and Friday comes even more fun. I'm not even thirty yet and I have to complete a treadmill stress test. Boy-Howdy do I wish I could go back in time and kick myself in the ass and tell me to take care of myself. I wouldn't have eaten so much, never smoked, and exercised faithfully. What was I thinking? 27 years old and my warranty is expired.

Tonight I sit. Sit and think of everything wrong I have done to my body. I'm a 27 year old obese, pre-diabetic, hypertensive, hypothyroid(was hyper before), infertile, heart diseased, drinkin', smokin', depressed young woman. Wow, that's hot.

I regret what I've done and what I haven't started to do. Now, I know I have to change, but not knowing where to start is even harder. Lately, I'm lacking the will power,which only makes me more ashamed. Each day I try and "buck it up", but fall short.

What's sad? I'm so ashamed of what I look like, I saw a wonderful friend from middle/high school and I was too embarrassed to say hello and meet her children and give her a great big hug. When I last saw her we were sitting at our senior prom table and I was thin. Size 7 thin. I wanted her to remember me that way. Not the size 18 me.

Changes, they have to be made...



** I'm okay and I will continue to be fine. It's more of a wake up call for myself to be healthier..."too young to feel this damn old"

3 comments:

Adventures In Babywearing said...

Oh goodness... be sure to keep us posted. We're all here for you! I hope everything is ok...

Steph

Peanut Butter and Jelly Boats said...

Ugh, sounds like not so much fun. With all 3 of my pregnancies I had gestational diabetes. I had to check my blodd sugars every couple of hours, folow this strict menu. Ack. I hate that kind of stuff. You can do it! May 5th will come faster than you think!

Krissie said...

sigh. I will continue reading your blog. You are beautiful and you take amazing pictures. Hang in there!