Thursday, February 07, 2008

This week's random Thursday brought to you by Crabarella

* Can I just say one thing first? I'm crabby, like I should be locked in a room with a tv, sedatives and guitar hero. Yes, guitar hero, because it makes me happy. Or at least turns my crabbiness into frustration.

* Today I've been very anxious and irritable. I can sum it up by saying that if feels like I'm ready to crawl out of my skin. I hate days like these.

* JC was watching a show on discovery channel about whales last night. When it got to the part of what the whales eat, they spoke about herring spawning. The documentary went into great detail about the herring and fertilization. At one point the announcer on the program said the males arrive a few days later and can be seen in the "cloudy sperm water". Sitting there stunned, I waited, I just waited for my inquisitive little man to ask, and he did. "Momma, what's sperm?". Wasn't I supposed to have a few years before I had to answer that?

*My head is ready to explode, fun shit.

*Today, after several months, my chest pains are back. I've been through the testing, the stress tests, scans, 24 hour monitor and the 30 day monitor. Let me tell you that 30 day monitor was fun shit too. I believed I blogged about it here.

*I'm slightly depressed all over again, it comes in waves. No details why, just because. As a smart and very cool lady I know once said, "I don't want to hear about the silver linings". I would have to agree. To me, they hurt more(at least on a certain subject that's been overwhelming and upsetting) Moving on.

*Blogging why PMSing is not so smart. My hormones are all over the place. The tears are on call lately. Yesterday at work someone threw a big cpr dummy bag on my coffee mug and knocked my coffee everywhere. I was so pissed, then I started to cry. Half way through I couldn't remember if I was crying over the fact that I had to clean it up or if I was really crying over split coffee. Really?!? Yes, you should all feel sorry for Mr. Crookedeyebrow.

*I may be hormonal and feeling insane, but my boobs are fantastically swollen, I want the boob fairy to stay all the time. Without the crying. Where were these things in Cancun to hold by bathing suit up? damn. Yes, Mr. Crookedeyebrow wishes the boob fairy would stay too.

*Wow I just blogged about my boobs. Wow...

*Noises are bothering me today, JC is currently fidgeting and is making lots of unnecessary noise. My head is starting to spin.

*Happy Birthday Beth!

*Apologies to all that are actually reading still, if you haven't noticed I'm crabarella for the day. I'm thinking a glass (or bottle) of wine will help.

* I hate my job again. Just saying, this too goes in phases. It feels that I just can't find a spot where I am comfortable there. I want too much more. Way more. I'm bored. They could train a monkey to do my job most days. Yes easy, but non-fulfilling most days. Don't worry, I'll love it again in 2 weeks.

* Often I sit wondering what else would I rather be doing than nursing? Still after so many years, no answer to be had. Being a stay at home mom was the best gig thus far.

*My spiritual beliefs are simple. I don't attend a church, but always believed what I truly felt was right for me. Along the same lines, I believe things happen for a reason. I doubt myself a lot, and recently I started thinking maybe I'm not being blessec with another child because I'm failing somehow as the mother I already am. Really? I know it's crazy. I swear I'm not crazy, just emotional.

*Pass the Kleenex please.

* Let me remind myself, I should not blog or attempt to write anything when on the roller coaster named hormonal hell.

*PS If you haven't noticed, I'm having a giveaway to help mourn my loss of my favorite tweezers. My eyebrows are a wreck right now.

*and I'm spent...


To Think is to Create said...

I'm trying to think of something to say that won't be lame or make things worse.

That one about God breaks my heart. I don't think that's how it works, sweetie.

milk&honey said...

Oh, I love you.

I talked to my mom tonight, and she said that when she saw you at lunch today and was trying to figure out if it was really you, she thought, "I know! I'll look at her eyebrows and see if they're crooked!" But damn, they were perfect, so it must not have been Crooked Eyebrow sitting across the way after all.


Crooked Eyebrow said...

I just plucked 2 minutes ago...and my tweezers did not play nice. I don't have as nice of ones as I'm giving away.

ouch, that's all i have to say.

and ps you ladies are wonderful. Thanks.

imadramamama said...

You should definitely have that wine...or ice cream...or both.

Chin up, friend. Things will turn around sooner than you think!

Sadie said...

Everyone is allowed a bitch day. And a day to blog about their boobs. Hell, we should be allowed to blog about our boobs every day!! Yay boobs!

Wait...I'm not a guy...why am I saying 'yay boobs'???


*hugs* I won't tell you to look for the silver lining...I'll just let you vent all you want to.

chrissy said...

OK, the one about God, he is not into hatefulness, of ourselves or others!
Everything else, when it comes to hormonal time, I am also so out of wack!! Big BooBs are always great!!

Jill said...

Okay first, God loves ya know matter what and he is hurting for you too - it took me awhile to actually believe this one(for myself), but I do.

Second, I had to explain to my 10 year old son and my 7 year old daughter what a virgin is after they heard it on the new gameshow Moment of Truth. AWKWARD!!!

And lastly, I know just how you feel about the whole silver lining thing. When I had a miscarriage in 1999, I told my husband to tell my family that I didn't want to hear their stories or how God would bless us in other ways, blah blah blah. I just wanted to crawl into my own little cave and die for a few days - which is what I did, and it helped me immensely.

Sorry for the long post - just wanted to delurk and send you good cyber vibes and to let you know it's okay (and sometimes necessary) to be cranky!!!

Kristiem10 said...

Aww, hugs to you!

i should be folding laundry said...

Dear Crabarella,

First of all, failing as a mother? I think not, I know not. Just ask that boy of yours.

Secondly, I'm sorry JC asked you about sperm. That in itself requires a glass of wine.

Thirdly, I can't wait to see you.

Fourthly, you must always try to remember the kind, beautiful, wonderful, gentle, caring human being you are. And how many people love and adore you. Be good to yourself, you deserve it.

my wonderful men... said...

I wish I could hug you over the internet.
Sorry for the bad day. It's o.k. to bitch, I'm here to read and make you feel better.
You're a great mom so stop that crazy talk right now!
Understand the hormones from hell feeling and hate the darn tears that come out of no where. What is up with that?
On a funny note, what if your boobs got stuck in hormone hell but not your emotions. Medical research why is no why looking into this. What are they doing all day???

SJ said...

First and foremost you are a wonderful mother - don't ever doubt yourself!

Drink some wine, sit back and relax and just let it all out. It'll be okay!


Ann(ie) said...

OH honey. I hate days/weeks like this. UG. feeling your pain. I had a similar week and the just suuuuuuck! xo.