Wednesday, July 30, 2008

cycle

or lack there of....

Hey there! Welcome. If you are male (I wonder how you got here...) you may want to click to another blog now. If you are in fact a woman and can't stand to read about Aunt Flow, then the exit to my blogroll is to the right. Thank you, have a nice day and please come back tomorrow!

OK, now. Here's the shiznit. I am now on day 43 and patiently awaiting the arrival of all things kotex. If you say "oh my god you're pregnant" I'll come through this screen and punch you. Well maybe not, but I assure you I will be thinking it.

So yeah, day 43.

Boo to the swollen boobs, puffy feet, nausea, cramping, mood swings, dizziness and what ever else I feel like adding to this list. Surely I'll think of more. Never have I had such awful, screwed up cycles than this past year. (UGH) it is unnerving to never know when you'll start. Will it be day 28 or day 40? Only left wondering, will it be while I'm wearing my white scrubs? Stupid female parts. I curse you!

You know what sucks? Having hope. Being hopeful that maybe every wish you have wished and prayed for for 5 years has come true. 5 years of birthday wishes, 5 years of making a wish because the clock reads 1:23, 5 years of never spilling salt without throwing it over my shoulder. 5 years. Stupid female parts, I hate you!

Monday was no different. The constant bathroom checks. Checking on babyhopes to check the ovulation calendar (even though I don't ovulate) to see if it was possible. Even urinating on a $9 stick. All in hopes that my cycle wouldn't be coming for another 8 or 9 months. Yet again, along with so many others, another negative.

Here I sit typing, still wishing and still looking at every wipe. (yes, i look, you all do to!) At this point I'm not sure what I am looking for anymore. It hurts either way.

*Honestly I am guessing that since I wrote this, Aunt Flow will appear first thing in the morning and we can just get this whole sucky womanhood thing over with already. (because my uterus can't stand reading anymore about babies for right now)

19 comments:

Susan said...

Oh, you sound so frustrated and I'm so sorry! I'm hoping you peed on a mutant stick. Sorry you're hurting...

Adventures In Babywearing said...

Aw, you'll need to stay away from my blog for a while then. : ( I do hope you get some answers SOON!

Steph

Lost A Sock said...

I so hope that this happens for you soon. My God what a happy day when you post about being pregnant. Whatever you do, don't lose hope. We're pulling for you and your stupid female parts!! ;o)

capribythelake.com said...

Oh sweetie, this sucks so much, and I'm so sorry. I'll be praying for this deep, deep desire to be fulfilled. Hugs!

iheartchocolate said...

You do sound frustrated. I am so, totally sorry you are going through this. I know that longing, buying tests and hoping, staring at the tests for 30 minutes trying to see that line. What a cuh-razy cycle! I hope you get answers soon, the ones you want.

JackeeG4glamorous said...

I know the Mommy blogs may discourage you, but I know SpoonfullofSarah@blosspot.com is having all the same frustration that you are.

It's the elephant in the room at times.

I pray for the both of you, women have it so hard and men well, they just mow the lawn and talk sports.

Is there a reason for that?

Mimi's Toes said...

You know I adore you, don't you? You have a way of finding humor in everything. I have a daily scripture read on my desk at work and the verse today is: May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. Psalm 20:4.
Love ya..

'That Girl' said...

Aww, that sounds so stressful and emotionally draining. I'm sorry.

Lynette said...

That completely sucks. If the circumstances don't change to the way you'd like them, I just pray the void would be filled - in who knows what way, but just to have that sense of fulfillment. Hugs to you sweetie!

Stacie said...

yeah, usually mine shows up right after I verbally say it's late. That Aunt Flo is a bitch like that.

I will make a wish for you that maybe, just MAYBE all those tests are false negatives...and that you are happily on your way to 2nd trimester. WELL??? a girl can wish for you right? ;)

HUGS SWEETIE and curse those damn girl parts!

Peanut Butter and Jelly Boats said...

Stupid female parts is RIGHT! Sorry girl.

Mary Beth said...

I can't help but get that scene from My Best Friend's Wedding out of my head right now...the one when they are all at the cheesy fish joint and out of the blue they start singing that Dionne Warwick song. "From the moment I wake up, before I put on my makeup. I say a little prayer for you!" You know what I'm talking about?? Ok, so right now I can imagine like 500 bloggers doing that very same thing in their heads (without the lobster hands and plastic bibs)...saying a little mommy prayer for you! Strange thought but what else can you expect from CE's sister, right? Love you...xoxo

Sarah said...

I SO feel your pain sister. I cry every month when I get my period. My cycle is irregular and long like yours. Just long enough to get your hopes up. And you feel this building up of emotions, and crazy that is just waiting for the release that comes with starting. Sometimes I freakin' hate being a girl.

Broad said...

Well, at least it appears you don't fight with the overabundance of FACIAL HAIR that often comes with PCOS. Hell, I don't even HAVE PCOS and I have the stupid hair.

I keed! I keed, because I love.

I'm late to the party, I know (and wad's never talked about this with me), but is there nothing that can be done?

Mrs. Mogul said...

I just came here from babywearing, I guess you should stay away from my blog too. GOod luck! there will be a time! :)

Janine said...

Wow. I know how frustrating that can be. And the bathroom checks? Been there, done that, a million times over. And you're right: generally, the moment you talk about it/buy a pregnancy test, AF comes. Sigh.

Ashley@mrs007.net said...

I am glad you have such an awesome sense of humor! I have PCOS too and I have been where you are. I wasted gallons of pee and spent countless dollars on those "mutant sticks".

I do hope that you keep on keepin on. I could never give up hope and I hope you don't either!

SJ said...

Oh sweetie. This breaks my heart.

Laurie and Chris said...

I have PSOC as well and went through this for a long time until one of my doctors but me on avandia to regulate me.I had my period sometimes for 2 months straight then I wouldn't get it at all. I have a test every 6 months and I have my period every month I feel much better and I don't have the stress of am I or am I not preg. You may want to check in to this. Good luck! I hope this may help you.