Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Gosh darn it, I want to stop and smell the freaking roses already.

Things are busy for the crooked family, as with most families this time of year, but this year (for obvious reasons) I just cannot keep up. There has been football (black hole in time)practices, the start of school, home renovations and a baby to prepare for. While working full time, all these activities have left just about 15 minutes this entire summer for blogging, or so it seems.

While I'm not the world's best word constructor, writer or blogger,it still bothers me how poorly I have done when it comes to documenting my thoughts. It feels that I missed so many opportunities to capture all the moments that I want to remember for years to come. There simply was not enough time and to me, that is so sad.

The moments, both pleasing and non, are still such a huge part of my life and I'm afraid that I'll forget them. Like on Monday when JC and I played Legos for 2 hours. Although for the last few months I haven't played Legos with him, on this day I just knew I had too. I knew that in a few weeks that he wouldn't be the only center of attention and on that day, he needed it. He needed to know that mommy still loves to play with him, even though she no longer could sit on the floor to do so. His excitement wasn't only seen in his eyes, his tone or his words, I could feel it. I could feel how happy he was to have me play with him. He was the Jedi's and I was the droids and gosh darn it, my kid rules(even though I had no idea what I was playing).

Then there have been times where I have felt completely alone. Although people are in your life, it doesn't always mean that they are in tune to how you are truly feeling. It doesn't mean that they are "really there for you". It doesn't mean that you can honestly believe them, just because they say it or type it. So, while I have posted nothing but positive thoughts on my pregnancy ( and this time in my life), it sure as hell doesn't mean that it has been a walk in the park. Most days it has been a lonely, frustrating walk. I have chosen not to write about it because I never want anyone to read my lame ass posts and think I'm ungrateful for my baby. More than anything, I am SO grateful, beyond grateful. Truly blessed in fact. Not to mention, I didn't want to document something negative and have to go back and regret it all later, even if it was the truth. Negative, positive, what have you...still moments.

JC has had his moments.Watching my son grow, mature and seeing him progress with little things makes my heart swell. My heart has swollen with pride so many times lately that I wish I would have remembered every little detail on how JC blew me away with something awesome that he has learned or achieved. My lil' man has progressed in such small ways that only his Dad and I can take notice sometimes. But its still progress. Last year in football he had to be re-directed for every play and time after time be reminded of little simple things. Well maybe they are simple things for non-ADHD children, but for him, it wasn't. Now? This year he is the first to hustle to the line, first to get in stance, first one to be ready to listen for whatever is needed of him. I watch him in his games and I could cry because I am so very proud of every little play he makes. For not only has he amazed me on the field,but off the field too.

You know what else I'm pissed at not having time for? Photos. I have not been able to take the amount of photos that I had hoped for this year. Not only in my pregnancy,but my family, my surroundings, my life and the sweet things I see.

So many moments...such little time...

So I guess I'm kind of just blown away how I let time escape me and a little sad that I have not made time for little things (and the big things )in my life. It's sad that we are given this awesome life and it just seems that there isn't enough time to fully enjoy it, live it, experience it like we should be able to. Gosh darn it, I want to stop and smell the freaking roses already.

7 comments:

livinginagirlsworld said...

I think we all feel this way at times. I know there are many things I wish I could stop and just appreciate it and document it somehow, but there are barely enough hours in the day to get all the stuff done that HAS to get done - let alone all that we WANT to get done. Just knowing that you appreciate how fast time flies can make you appreciate the little things more. Those memories will always be there even if you don't know it. They will come back to the forefront of your mind when you least expect it and make you smile.

livinginagirlsworld said...

I think we all feel this way at times. I know there are many things I wish I could stop and just appreciate it and document it somehow, but there are barely enough hours in the day to get all the stuff done that HAS to get done - let alone all that we WANT to get done. Just knowing that you appreciate how fast time flies can make you appreciate the little things more. Those memories will always be there even if you don't know it. They will come back to the forefront of your mind when you least expect it and make you smile.

Erin said...

I feel like I've been unbelievably lax in keeping up with you lately, and I'm cognizant of it, but I've just sucked. SO much as a friend, and I'm sorry. But don't ever feel like you're alone, because you're not.

*Lissa* said...

You know what? I feel the same way about this summer/year, only I haven't had a problem voicing the negatives. ;p

Why does time seem to speed up so much as we age? I feel like I have just skated by lately with my kids and now I hope I am not failing as a mother.

Crooked Eyebrow said...

Erin, you are far from suck my friend. FAR.

You have nothing to be sorry for, you are a wonderful friend.

smooches.

Elaine A. said...

It just goes by so fast. I think that's part of it, you know? And I think things will actually slow down a little for you once baby arrives. They will have to, right? Enjoy the moments and set your camera on the table right beside you. That's what I do... ; )

Mimi's Toes said...

I hear you loud and clear. I have neglected my blog and camera lately and it bugs me too. It's hard when you work a full time job and have so much going on. Just know that you are loved and I agree, that we need to take time to stop and smell the roses.