Friday, September 25, 2009

so close to the finish line...

I've been in a race for months, both physical and emotional, but now I can see the finish line. It's no longer way off in the distance as it once was. The end is so very close, may be even too close. These past 9 months have been leading me here and I have so badly wanted to cross that line.

Until now.

Now parts of me want to back step and just give it a bit more time. I want to wave to everyone at the finish line and tell them to hold on for a few more weeks. There is a whole lot of unknown up ahead and it's a bit scary. Having an infant again, working, marriage, it all seems a bit overwhelming right now. Honestly, I am worried about post-partum depression. After years of that going undiagnosed, I never want to go back on that path.

It just seems like it's getting so very real right now and that I honestly couldn't feel it earlier.

Although I want to put things on hold, I am so very excited to hold my daughter. I want to see her beautiful eyes, nose and take in every part of her. Just the thought of watching daddy CE and JC holding her makes my heart flutter.

We've been a family of 3 for almost 9 years now and I still can't believe we'll be 4 soon. Like in a week soon. So many changes, such little time.

So each day I'm getting closer to that finish line, whether I'm ready or not. Here is to hoping that everything else falls into a healthy and happy place.


Ryley said...

I too worry about PPD the second time around. Sometimes I wonder if now that I know, and recognize it, maybe I can fight it off then next time. But it still terrifies me.

I can't believe 9 months have already gone by. Wasn't it just yesterday you announced your pregnancy?????????????

I hope your last week(s) go very smoothly..

Can't wait to meet Miss E!

Mimi's Toes said...

I can't believe you are in the single digets now. I know it's scary, but so worth it.

Life with Kaishon said...

I just saw your picture at I should be folding laundry and I came over to say Congratulations. I am so excited for you. I can't imagine all the things that are racing thru your mind : )

Bacardi Mama said...

My oldest was eight when my twins were born and it was wonderful. You'll be just fine. You'll feel your way through it all. It all comes back to you so quickly. I'm so excited for you. I can't wait to find out what the E stands for!

Elaine A. said...

It's going to be wonderful. Yes, I'm sure it will present a few challenges, just as most things in life do, but the WONDERFUL will out weigh them. Promise. :)

Ryley said...

Do we get to know what E stands for?? I'm nervous that you won't tell us! :)

(which of course is your right..) but after all the teasing.. we'd reallllllly love to know!

Heather said...

I would bring up the PPD at your next appt. Just so the doc knows (if you haven't brought it up before) I had horrible undiagnosed PPD with Giggles, when I had Chicken it wasn't as bad but my OB says that she wished I would have shared that info with her, they could have made sure I had some transitional help and watched me a bit closely.

I read often, don't comment much. But I wanted to give you some ((hugs))

~Mendie~ said...

It scares me to think about juggling work and marriage with one baby....I am sure that you will be fine with two since you seem to have a good flow with the little guy.

Scary thing what our body and mind goes thru...wishing you luck and peaceful thoughts!

Mrs. Cline said...

So many of us who will do anything we can to help you during the transition! I'm not far, call if you need ice cream! ;)

Adventures In Babywearing said...

I felt that way, too! Even though I was so excited to have Ivy, I wanted more time. But really, you're ready! Just let things happen and go with the flow as much as you can. Everything falls right into place.

I am waiting for the call or email that it is time!!!!


Erin said...

I definitely felt that way with Tommy. I wanted to meet him so badly, but also I wanted to keep him inside of me. Trust that when it does happen, you'll be so entirely ready to meet her and hold her. I know I can't wait! I am anxiously checking my email ALL the time for news.