*I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving, but not all the work that is involved. I'm not even making the turkey, mommy is. I want to visit with my family,but the thought of cleaning, baking and cooking doesn't thrill me.
* I hate turkey, I'm making a ham to bring instead.
* Eden laughs when you make gobble, gobble noises at her.
* Today is the first time I showered in 48 hours. Good thing I hid from the public all day yesterday.
*My son is having behavioral issues, mostly with me. It hurts and makes me feel like a failure as a mom. I often wonder where my sweet little boy that used to love me so much went. Instead I have a disrespectful, mouthy almost 9 year old. All I want to do is show him how much I love and need him and it seems that I can't get that through to him. It breaks my heart almost on a daily basis.
*I will be starting birth control this week and knowing what it did to me many years ago, I am slightly afraid. It made me into a hormonal, emotional mess but I am trying to be positive about giving it a try. Maybe this low, non-estrogen pill will be better after all... Totally not ready for baby #3 just yet. The thoughts of my natural birth are still to fresh in my head.
*Speaking of birth, I still have to write her birth story, maybe after Thanksgiving. Instead I'll show a photo during my labor to hold people over...
*Finally after months of avoiding it, I asked my boss if they would ever consider letting me go part-time. The thought of flat out quitting doesn't sit well. Sure the mommy in me says, "heck ya, quit" but the responsible adult in me says, "you have too much to lose if you leave". You see,I have a VERY nice job with the gov't and would hate to lose my amazing health insurance, retirement and let's face it, my pay. So the thought of going part time seemed perfect, except that I was turned down. A huge part of me knew that was going to be the answer, but I was really hoping it could happen.
*The thought of going back to work makes me very, very anxious.
*My new dyson canister vaccuum just arrived. It's a refurb, but it's better than what I currently have. Secretly I am hurrying this post along so I can put eden in my sling and go use it.
*There was a slight mention of possibly having a third child out of Mr. CE, this makes me happy, really happy.
*I'm hoping that I snap out of my slight sadness (not post partum depression, just sad and frustrated)
*Last night as I was tucking JC in, he was holding his sister and trying to hush her. Then this morning he was so excited that she was smiling at him while he looked at her in her bassinet. Seeing him love his sister, his sibling, makes me very, very happy. I explained to him that from now on, he'll never be alone and that they will always have each other.
*Sometimes I feel that I am beautiful and not chubby, but then I look at myself in the mirror and what I look like right now and I get so very discouraged. I am hoping that with working out and trying to lose the weight I can start feeling better about myself. To motive myself, I even posted pre-loss photos on my blog at shrinking jeans. I almost chickened out, but figured I need to work hard and fast at putting better photos up. (mind games)
* My sister is due in March with her first child, a boy, and I am so very excited to be an Auntie. She swore for years she would never be a mom and I was worried since Mr. CE is an only chld that I would never be an Auntie. MB, you made me the happiest sister ever! Now finish baking that baby nice and healthy for me. :D
*I try to take photos of Eden. I thought when I was pregnant that I would take amazing photos of her. I haven't. The ones I have taken turn out horrible. It makes me doubt my ability to take photos in the worst way. Not to mention that everyone (or so it seems) has a better camera than me. For a few years now I have been trying to save up to buy a new Nikon, but something always comes up and I can't afford it. SO, me and photography seem to have taken a down turn. A non-inspired down turn.
*wow is this post depressing and that makes me feel like I should end it on a happy random thought...
My sweet babies
now that is my happy thought...
now that is my happy thought...