Tuesday, July 10, 2012

When I used to blog...

When I used to blog, I felt better for typing out something, mostly my fleeting thoughts. They were  usually lame, random and written with poor grammar and punctuation to boot. At the time I didn't care and I honestly still don't.

It's me.
imperfect, full of errors

Sitting at work and bored over the years gave me a lot of time for blogging and reading some of my favorite bloggers. Now being a stay at home mom, I don't have the time to do either. Heck, I can't even manage to keep up to date on the monthly photos on this little space of mine.

Funny, I would have never thought that when I was working.

Working was way easier, but then I missed my kids and well, being a working mom is hard. The only thing I do miss about work are friends and potty breaks without little people passing me the toilet paper or pounding on the door.

Let me tell you, I had visions of awesome proportions of what it was going to be like staying home. More time for my kids, play dates, park time, less stress from not being in a toxic work environment. Well, it took me 8 months to be honest with myself and not hear an "i told you so" but it is nothing like I had imagined.

I am pretty lonely, thankfully my husband works from home so I have someone to talk to.
I think that is what I miss. Talking to people, even though I have a hard time speaking to new people, I think I  miss conversations.

Now I can have a mean conversation with a two year old on how Mulan really isn't a boy, but pretending to be, to fight for her family's honor and not just be a cross dresser. (mulan is a huge hit up in here)
Blogging used to be my happy place, but it doesn't feel so happy now.  I opened my blog for the first time today in forever and I forgot what it looked like.  (like when did blogger format change??)Then I realized that this isn't me anymore. Sure I am "crookedyebrow", but I am not a photographer and I honestly I am too afraid to fail to be a dreamer.

I miss a lot lately, not just the office humor/gossip,  but co workers, play dates, friends that aren't really there, time to myself in the car... I miss, well, me.


Adventures In Babywearing said...

I get that. Blogging is the conversation I didn't have years ago, when I started writing online. It could be that for you, too- whether you publish publicly or write just for your eyes only or it could be just time to move on. I feel conflicted about it almost every day!


Cousin Amber said...

I totally understand. I've been having these thoughts a ton lately too. I really miss having an identity of my own and feeling like I was accomplishing things. Im so lonely too! Here, im either "Alanna's Mom" or "Nicks wife". Blah. Although I love being able to stay at home with Alanna, I really miss the adult/me/professional time. I wish we lived closer. We could bitch slap each other until the kids move out! Haha. Love you, cousin.
-Cousin Amber

Corrina said...

I'm a SAHM for the summer--first time ever (I'm starting school in the fall, career change) and I get this. I'm 6 wks in and haven't instituted half the things in our household, or even a quarter that I thought I would. The little people and just keeping up take just about all I have. And there are times that I wish I could kick back at my desk and take a lunch break. Or have a moments peace. It's so different. Good. And different.